


East of the Ninth, West of the First

by AnidHarker



Category: The Locked Tomb Trilogy | Gideon the Ninth Series - Tamsyn Muir
Genre: Abigail and Magnus get to be parents in this one, Alternate Universe - East of the Sun and West of the Moon Fusion, Content Warning: Ianthe Tridentarius, F/F, Judasbeth, This is unrevised, Undying Princess Gideon, Yoplait Demon Ianthe in her final form, but only like a breadcrumb of it, tell not show style on purpose for full fairytale effect, typo control courtesy of wiggly red lines AND NOTHING ELSE
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-13
Updated: 2021-03-13
Packaged: 2021-03-21 17:15:43
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,155
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30025155
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AnidHarker/pseuds/AnidHarker
Summary: Imperial Princess Gideon dreams of a fantastic sword which is in possession of the Reverend Daughter. The Reverend Daughter has a curse upon her person and needs a wife to lift it. The Reverend Daughter explains nothing. She will regret it.
Relationships: Gideon Nav/Harrowhark Nonagesimus
Comments: 8
Kudos: 27





	East of the Ninth, West of the First

**Author's Note:**

> This is not what I planned to have as my debut Ao3 Thing, but it's where my brain went. Heavily inspired by the "OG" fairytale format (you can see here https://thornews.com/2013/03/20/norwegian-fairy-tales-white-bear-king-valemon/), not any of the later retellings.

Once upon a time, there was a King Undying, the Kindly Prince of Death, who ruled over a vast empire. This King had many children, but seven of them were Lyctors, so he did not much care for them. The King's other child was a teenager, and she was very very redhead, and very fond of weapons.  
One night, the very redhead child had a dream about the most beautiful sword she had ever seen, and upon waking, would not speak for the sorrow of not owning such a beautiful sword.  
The Emperor tried to remind her that she owned many swords already, some of them very pretty indeed, but they would not do. The Princess said those were all fragile needles in comparison to the dream sword, and she did not want them.  
The best smiths in all the empire were set to work, to create swords as close as possible to the dream sword. But none of them would do. The Princess said those were all chunky and artless, and she did not want them.

Disheartened by the failures, the Undying Princess went out into the woods to kick rocks and sticks, but that did not quell her longing for the sword. She had such violence in her that she did not see there was now another person in the forest with her until the stick she had just kicked landed on the face of a Ninth House nun.  
"Do that again," the irascible nun said. "And I shall provide you with an intimate understanding of the phrase 'quiet as a tomb'."  
The Princess had heard none of those words, for at last she had found the sword of her dreams, and it was strapped to the back of the Ninth House nun. She asked to buy the precious sword, but the nun only narrowed her eyes, appearing to evaluate the Princess, and replied the sword was not to be had for money, only for herself. The redhead teen considered this, and said life was not worth living without the sword; wherever she was to be taken, she would go with the sword and be content.

And so the favored Daughter of the First was taken to the Ninth House, where she learnt her painted nun of the forest was the Reverend Daughter, and she was to be her wife. But not yet.  
The House of the Ninth had been grand in the past, but now it was almost a decrepit ruin, sparsely populated by equally decrepit people. The food was the same every day, the cold was the same every day. But for the Princess, none of these things were at all important.  
The Princess was happy with her sword, and soon she was happy with her wife-to-be as well, but it did not take long for her to grow restless seeing all the wedding preparations take so long. And although the Reverend Daughter readily claimed to love her wife-to-be, she would not let herself be seen without her skull paint. Sometimes, when the Princess joked (and it was always only a joke, as the princess never broke her promises) that she would turn on the light at night in the privacy of their shared chamber, the Reverend Daughter icily reminded her that she had been sworn, under pain of pain, to keep the nights in darkness, and then slept in her facepaint.

The Undying Princess wrote to her father, distressed by the lack of completion in her relationship. "My dearest Papa," the letter said. "I will soon be married, though I can never get a definite date out of these people, but my soon to be wife does not seem to trust me to show her bare face to me. I am sure I shall love her regardless of what lies beneath the paint, but how can I convince her?"  
The Necrolord's response came readily. "Dump her into the sea."  
Not questioning the Emperor's finest wisdom, the Princess waited at night for her beloved to sleep, then took her in her arms downstairs to the conveniently located pool of salt water. Then she jumped inside, with her clothes and her sword, and her almost-wife in her nightgown.

"What have you done!" cried the Reverend Daughter, almost before she surfaced with her arms flailing wildly, splashing everything that was not already wet around them. "We were so close to breaking the curse, now you have ruined all our chances. We would have soon been married, as soon as I was free of the curse, now I must go and marry a demon."

Distraught, the Princess tried to follow the escaping Reverend Daughter, but her running was no match for the giant strides of the giant skeleton construct that carried her beloved away from her.

The path led the Emperor's daughter to a cottage, surprisingly kept in darkness, and in it lived a pair of grey people.  
"Good day," she said to the grey people. "Have you seen the Reverend Daughter of Drearburh run past this way?"  
"Yes," the grey people said. "She rushed by earlier, but she was going so fast, you will not catch up to her."  
They offered her food and shelter for the night. In the morning, as she was getting ready to resume her pursuit, they gave her a book, and the book showed all the roads and pathways in the empire, to aid her in her mission. The demon's dwelling was in one of the maps, and the grey people told her what they knew of it. The demon who had cursed her beloved was of a type called Yoplait, and that was all the grey people knew of it.

She ran until she was exhausted, and then she came by another cottage, this one surrounded by rose bushes climbing up the walls of the house. In it lived a pretty lady in a wheelchair, and her massive butler.  
"Good day," she said to the pretty lady in the wheelchair. "Have you seen the Reverend Daughter of Drearburh run past this way?"  
"Why, yes, she rushed past yesterday, but she was going so fast, you will not catch up to her."  
She was again offered food and shelter for the night. In the morning, as she was getting ready to resume her pursuit, the pretty lady in the wheelchair gave her a key that opened the door to the demon's den, and told her all she knew of it. The demons of the Yoplait type are vain, and that was all she knew of it.

The Princess continued on her mission until at night, exhausted, she arrived at a third cottage.  
"Good day," she said to the absolute bombshell who opened the door. "Have you seen the Reverend Daughter of Drearburh run past this way?"  
"Yes I did, she rushed past two days ago, but she was going so fast, you will not catch up to her."  
This cottage was full of jewels, shiny metals and precious stones covering nearly every surface. In it lived a bombshell of a woman, and a soldier in crisp military clothing even inside her home, and they did not seem completely friendly with each other. They still offered her food and shelter for the night. In the morning, as she was getting ready to resume her pursuit, the bombshell lady gave her a needle that given any thread and set to any fabric would produce perfect embroidery with no effort from the wielder, and told her what she knew of the demon. "It is sneaky, and dangerous, and you must take care," and she would say no more.

By the next night the Princess could see in the map that she was getting close to the demon's house, but it was up a mountain and she could not climb in the dark, so she knocked on the door of a cottage at the foot of the mountain. In it lived a bespectacled woman with many children hiding behind her skirts.  
"Good day," she said to the bespectacled woman, more out of habit than anything, now that the demon's house was in sight. "Have you seen the Reverend Daughter of Drearburh run past this way?"  
"Yes, she rushed past three days ago, she is to be wedded to the Yoplait demon the day after tomorrow."  
The Princess put her hand on her dream of a sword and replied: "Not if I can help it."  
Once more the Princess was offered food and shelter for the night. She happily played with the multitude of children while they all waited for their father, who was to take the Princess on a safe route up the mountain come morning.

The path might have been safe, but it was certainly not easy. Narrow passages had them walking sideways, loose rocks falling down the side where the Princess hoped she would not follow. All throughout, the father of so many children kept lively spirits, talking constantly and making so many jokes that at one point the Princess began to suspect he was trying to make her laugh so hard as to lose her footing and fall down the mountain, but it was not so, and they reached the top safely. The Princess briefly considered how the other paths up the mountain might be less safe, if this was the safest. Perhaps the other paths were guarded by trolls.

As the father of so many children went back down home, the Princess faced the castle of the Yoplait demon.

She remembered the key the pretty lady in the wheelchair had given her, and worked it into the castle's main door, which opened without complaint. She walked the corridors suspicious of not finding anybody around, until she found someone. It was a girl, wearing pale tan leather pants tucked into pale tan leather boots, a flowy blouse that might have been white in times long past, dirty blonde hair limp and loose over her shoulders, and a disdainful facial expression. The overall impression was that of a muddy river. She thought this must be the demon.

The demon spoke. "How dare you enter my home without permission?"  
The Princess replied with her hand on her sword. "I seek the Reverend Daughter of the Ninth House."  
"You cannot have her. She is beholden to me alone, now. Tomorrow we will be wedded."  
The Princess remembered what she had been told about the demon's vanity, and took out the magical needle without a word.  
"What is that?" The demon took the bait immediately, thought she looked suspicious.  
The Princess explained. Then she tried to exchange it for her beloved.  
"If you give me that, I will allow you five minutes with her," said the demon, looking victorious.

The Princess took the chance only because she was out of ideas, but was enraged to see that the Reverend Daughter had been magically knocked unconscious. She tried to attack, but the demon easily dodged as she left the room in laughter.  
"I said five minutes with her, not that you could talk to her."

The Princess beheld the sleeping form of her beloved, her bare face a forbidden delight she might have freely enjoyed if she had but a little patience. No longer would she lack trust in her beloved. She left her a message in the form of the sword of her dreams that the girl of her dreams had given her, and she walked out of the room to face the evil demon.  
"Now get out," was all the demon said to the Princess.  
She could still hear a weak sleepy voice, as she walked away, breaking her heart, "Griddle?"

Next morning, the castle grounds were brimming with people expecting to see the bridal parade. The Princess hid among them, her hand on the small dagger that was now her only weapon. She bared her teeth menacingly as the castle doors opened, but only a single giant skeleton construct emerged, and it was holding the Yoplait demon in its arms, and the demon was bloodied and dead. The snarl on the Princess' face turned into a smile of victory as she glimpsed a small black clad figure holding a sword too big for her hands.

The audience gasped when the Reverend Daughter, wearing the closest thing to Ninth House finery that could be found so far away from the Ninth along with a bloodied giant two-hander, emerged from the castle calling for the priest that was supposed to marry her to the demon.  
The Princess came out of her hiding place in the crowd and bear-hugged the thin form of her beloved, reciting vows of fidelity before the priest had even started his part.

And so the Imperial Daughter of the First House and the Reverend Daughter of the Ninth House were joined in marriage before a crowd, plundered the castle of the evil Yoplait demon, and lived happily ever after.


End file.
